Sunday, March 7, 2010

Monster Attack!

Earlier tonight, I heard a bunch of insane banging and crashing in the hallway, followed by my flatmate, Jordan, shouting, "AAAAA! Ohmygod! There's a monster! Matt! Matt! AAAAAAAAAA!!!"


As our apartment was clearly under attack, the rest of the flatmates and I all immediately rushed out there to fight for our lives. We turned on the light and found Jordan standing there in his shorts, all out of breath and his foot bleeding, and White-Tard, the neighbors' very small and unfathomably stupid all-white kitten, lying motionless on the bathroom floor with a can stuck on his head.

Well then.

Here's the story: Jordan was walking down the hallway in the dark when an odd shadowy shape with an eerie metallic glint suddenly materialized out of nowhere. It crashed all around into the walls, knocked over a bunch of bottles and mops and things, charged up the stairs, leapt off all crazy into the abyss from twelve feet in the air like a tiny flying ninja, and finally charged with lightning speed into Jordan's legs. Then, as quickly as it appeared, the metal mini ninja monster vanished and everything went quiet.

Jordan, in fact, didn't call out for my help, but had actually screamed, "Bat! Bat!" I can't imagine anything less bat-like than a crazed white ninja-kitten with a can stuck on it's head, but given the circumstances, we'll let it slide.

White-Tard looked dead. We pulled the can off his little White-Tard head, leaving brown goo smeared all over his face. He quickly recovered and headed straight back to our kitchen trash bin. White-Tard indeed.

--

Epilogue: A couple hours later, long after everything had calmed down, I just couldn't resist. I sneaked into the kitchen, put a big tin pot over my head, and stormed into Jordan's bedroom shouting, "Arg! Arg! Arg!" I think I surprised him a little, but he didn't do his bat-call again. Poor guy is never gonna live this one down.

 
Arg! Arg! Arg!

On a somewhat related note, I copied this picture from one of single funniest storiest I've ever read, My Crazy Pot Head Neighbor Lady, found on The Best of Craigslist. An absolute must-read.

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