At this point in my
life, my goal is no longer to be the best at something and hold on to the
spotlight for as long as I can. Instead, I'm creating/finding activities and
ways of being that I can enjoyably do and be for many years to come. I'm learning to be the tortoise instead of the
hare. This is hard for
me, because I've always had a sprinter's mindset. I've always had two speeds:
on or off, full-tilt or resting, 100-hours-a-week startup entrepreneur in
launch phase or global vagabond backpacking South America for half a year. But
what does the alternative look like? For me, it looks like slow rock climbing.
In rock climbing,
there's a move called a dyno where if
you're strong and agile, you literally swing your whole body upward, let go of
the wall, leap up as far as you can, and grab onto a big hold far above. Very rarely, it's the only way up the
wall to the next move. If you miss,
you fall, slamming into the wall or even crashing to the ground 10-15 feet
below. If you do catch the hold, you can easily tear a bunch of hand skin or injure
your shoulder or fingers. Either way, you wear yourself out within a few
minutes of trying dyno moves. Some teenage and 20-something males love showing
off their dynos to each other. It's pure ego, amounting to nothing more than
party tricks ("Hey everyone, look what I can do!"), as there are
usually better ways to climb up the same routes. I'm actually pretty good at
dynos, because they play to my physical strengths as a climber (long reach,
strong arms, good jumper).
However, I don't do dynos anymore, because if I did, I
wouldn't be climbing anymore. I'd have gotten injured too much and have quit
long ago. These
days, I'd much rather get
into flow state and enjoy rock climbing’s meditative aspects rather than the ego-building aspects.
This means savoring time in nature with friends, climbing slightly easier or
less dangerous routes for hours on end without noticing the passage of time, and almost never getting
injured more than minor aches and pains. Because
I don't have long periods of not climbing due to injuries, every month I
keep getting a little stronger and more skillful. Ironically, as a direct result of focusing on flow, I'm
a much stronger and better climber than I was in my teens and 20s when I
climbed and trained with more intensity.
I plan to keep
climbing indefinitely, for many more decades, or centuries even, if Ray Kurzweil is right. I'm already going on 25 years of climbing now, and, more
importantly, I enjoy it much more than I did leaping around trying to look
cool, prove my athletic prowess, conquer mountains, and repeatedly getting
injured. Being motivated by
flow is far more sustainable than ego-driven action. Flow is the antidote for
ego.
My approaches to
entrepreneurship, relationships, writing, spirituality, etc. have all undergone
similar shifts in the past several years. To do so, I’ve had to first consider
what factors I’m optimizing for in each area of my life. Let me explain.
We're all optimizing
for something all the time. We try to maximize one thing and minimize
something else. However, we all optimize
for different things, and what we optimize for changes over time too.
For example, when I was
in my 20s, I tried to maximize the amount of money I made in the minimum amount
of time. I maximized the number and size of real estate investment properties
and businesses I owned. I maximized the number of hours I could work at my
mortgage company in any given week. I minimized the amount of capital invested
in each property or business, because I had so little capital at the beginning.
However, I didn't make any effort to maximize work-life balance,
minimize risk, maximize ethics, or minimize downside. Predictably, I
eventually burned out, helped create a worldwide recession (along with millions
of other people behaving similarly), and went bankrupt. Fortunately, I had the
humility to realize I was doing it all wrong. I finally saw that I had missed
something important, perhaps a lot.
I decided I would
start over and do it all differently next time. I applied to and got into Acton
School of Business, so I could learn directly from successful entrepreneurs. During
and after attending Acton, I learned to:
- minimize and mitigate financial and operational risks,
- maximize the ethics of my actions by choosing more generally ethical industries (i.e. I now avoid ethical slippery slopes and cultures based primarily on greed, both of which are common in real estate and finance), and
- minimize the number of opportunities I say yes to instead of maximizing them (still learning that one, but I'm doing better).
Today, I'm once again
questioning what factors I'm optimizing, and why. Specifically, I'm analyzing where I'm optimizing for ego
instead of flow. I see areas
where I'm making choices purely to make more money, build reputation and
credibility, or gain access to future opportunities. These aren't bad things,
per se, but I'm certainly not feeling flow when I do the work associated with
these choices and roles. Therefore, they probably aren't sustainable in the
long-term. I'm not going change
these choices overnight, but being aware of why I chose them is a good
step in the right direction.
Epilogue
Speaking of flow, I
spent a couple hours writing all this and didn't
even notice. This is precisely why I continue to write. Often, an idea
grabs a hold of me and I drop everything and write until it's done. It's not an
assignment or intention, just something I feel I need to say. Usually only
happens a few times a year, but it happens a lot more often when I give myself
the space to do it. Sometimes it's a
fictional story, but usually it's a personal essay like this one. Often
the story or essay offers a perspective that I feel runs counter to the
prevailing cultural stories, something that perhaps others would benefit from
reading. I'll very occasionally write all day and night or for days on
end if feel compelled to, barely stopping to eat, drink, use the bathroom, or
sleep. Serious flow state. Somehow, I’m usually not tired when I'm finished. I
may be a little dazed but still energized. Notably, it’s not about ego at all.
I’m not trying to build myself up, get approval from others, or assuage my
fears. Once again, flow is the antidote to ego.
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