Revisionist Me

In the 2000s, I built several businesses--all within the mortgage and real estate industries--and bought several commercial rental properties in Colorado. I was worth millions... on paper at least. In 2007-2008, the American mortgage and real estate markets tanked. In 2009, I filed a personal Chapter 7 bankruptcy, lost everything, and applied to grad school. Those are the basic facts of the story of my late-20s to mid-30s. How I've told this story has evolved quite a bit, becoming a story of its own.

Bonnie and Clyde (a short story)

Where are my socks? I can’t find them. Where are they? I can’t find my socks. Somebody please help me find my socks.

Are you serious? Who cares about your damn socks. We’ve got to get you outta here. Your Aunt has been looking for you.

I need my socks. Where are they? Do you have my socks?

Joey… they’re gone. You know this. Everything is gone. Your house, Mom and Dad, your sister Sarah, half the city. There’s nothing left for us here. You’re coming with us, and we’ve got to go. Now.

Oh Melody (a short story)

The light filtered through the low clouds green and sharp, a pea green twilight in the afternoon. The air humid, still, and heavy. No birds or bugs or animals to be found. Too quiet. Everything feels tense and foreboding. No one should get dumped on a wicked-looking day like this. I do love her. I just don’t know if I’m in love with her anymore. Is it too late to go back? Have all our years earned me that? Is that even fair to her?

Sirens in my dreams sing to me. Come to our beds. We are warm and wet and breathy. We will take you down tonight.

No. They are real. Emergency sirens.

Melody! I have to get to Melody. I have to tell her things. I have to.

Fireside Moon (a short story)

“C’mon Edie, it’s time for Fireside. Hurry up! I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh, douse your rockets, Sophia. I’m coming already. The Elders mostly do this for us anyway. They’ll wait until we’re all there. After all, it’s your turn for a story tonight, and you’re just anxious to impress you-know-who.”

“Well, then hurry up for my sake. I still want a good spot close to the pit.”

Sparky's Life Lesson #587

A couple weeks ago, my best friend, Peter, and I had some items to discuss regarding our gluten-free cleanse business, so we headed down to the Lustre Pearl, a rad Austin bar that's feels like a cross between a British pub and a barbecue in your cool friend's big backyard.

We found a table out back on the patio, since it was a nice evening. We were done within a half hour, but didn't quite feel like going home, so we stuck around to chat and enjoy the night air.

The World's Worst Vegan

I once named one of my former real estate holding companies Squirrels in the Attic LLC. I had bought a triplex with several dozen squirrels living in the attic, and then they managed to come back again in even larger numbers on two subsequent occasions. The rival squirrel families fought bloody battles inside all the walls every day at dawn, which I thought was hysterical, but my tenants, not so much.

How to Win at Connect Four

Today I and five other Acton MBA classmates volunteered to spend time hanging out with old folks in a rehab nursing home (i.e. old people who are sick or recently had major surgery). Specifically, we helped in the Alzheimer’s and dementia ward.

I’m really behind on my homework this weekend and was up way too late studying last night. The “smart” thing to do would have been to sleep in a bit and tackle my homework all day. Plus, I’m usually more moved by environmental causes than social causes. That snooze button looked soooo inviting. I went anyway, because I knew at a gut level that this was important too, possibly more important than any single homework assignment ever could be. Important to me, to the residents, and to my classmates. I went, and I was right.

Monster Attack!

Earlier tonight, I heard a bunch of insane banging and crashing in the hallway, followed by my flatmate, Jordan, shouting, "AAAAA! Ohmygod! There's a monster! Matt! Matt! AAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Conquering the Devil's Throat

Most people visit the natural wonders of the world and just take and take and take. What can this park do for me? Not me. I give back.

A couple weeks ago, I traveled up north to Las Cataratas, aka Iguazú Falls, the world's biggest and most impressive waterfalls (depending on whom you ask), with a beautiful French woman named Sophie.

Foamy New World

A few days after I moved here to Buenos Aires, my brand new, extra-special, make-you-live-forever electric toothbrush broke. I hadn't brushed my teeth in a couple days, and I had a date. So, on the way to the date, I stopped at a kiosco (one of the ubiquitous, itty-bitty convenience stores found on every block) and bought a toothbrush.

Wormholes: The Hidden Danger of Buying Local

I found a fold in the fabric of space-time today.

Cheeseburger!

Earlier today I walked through the Key Bank parking lot right next door to my house, and I noticed a small stone memorial historical marker with some words etched into the top. Turns out the cheeseburger was invented...AT MY HOUSE!

Bee Wars: A New Hope

The bees were in trouble. I don't mean bees as a species, though that's also true. I mean my bees. Our bees. The bees in the beehive my roommate Jennie and I bought just three weeks ago. I heard Jennie shout from the yard. I ran outside to see what was wrong. About fifteen or twenty wasps were attacking the hive, stinging the bees to death, hauling them away for food, and trying to sneak inside the hive. I didn't know what to do about it.

My Bucolic Frolic: a Country Kid Goes Home

A couple weekends ago, I went back to my hometown in rural Iowa for my step-brother's wedding. Since I'd be in town for two or three days, I wanted to drive out and see the old house where I grew up. My dad, now deceased, built it himself. It's a pretty special place, really, at least to me. I only expected that I'd get to take a quick drive by, barely stopping a minute before I freaked out the current owners, but I lucked out.

Hot Sun and Black-Winged Angels

Today I witnessed a miracle.

It all started about four days ago when Jennie, my roommate, flew to Northern California to see family for a long weekend. She texted and called me probably 20 times since then, raving about how beautiful and green it is there right now… and about how beautiful and green Northern California always is. But especially this time of year. So verdant and lush, all the new flowers and bees and springtime sex in the air. This is something we don’t have so much of in Colorado, and I miss it.